Picture this: You have been planning a party for weeks. Everything has been planned out perfectly and you know exactly how you want it to be. Lists and graphs have been made indicating where the tables should go, how much punch you need, how the decorations will be arranged, and the order of events (entertainment, speeches, games, etc.). You have a notebook completely filled with little scribblings and you are serenely confident that this party will be absolutely "perfect".
The day of the party arrives. You have enlisted several people to help you get everything ready before the guests arrive. As you begin to go down your lists and graphs that indicate how things are to be placed, one of your helpers (who has planned a lot of parties) interrupts you.
"You know, I think it would be better if we put this here."
You're a little annoyed at this because, after all, you've been planning this out for weeks. But, after a little thought you realize that her idea is better than your initial plan and so you agree.
A few minutes later you leave the room to get something. When you return you find that the tables have been set up and the decorations are being put in places that do not correspond with the graph that you so carefully plotted out.
A small sense of panic begins to rise in your stomach.
"Did I not give you the graph?" you anxiously ask.
The same helper turns and says, "Oh yes, but it just seems to work better this way. See how much more room we have?"
As you look about the room you see that it does look better than the way you graphed it, but this doesn't make you feel better. That sense of panic becomes frustration. What right does she have to change things? After all, this is your party! You planned it, you arranged it, and things should be done the way you want them done! What difference does it make whether or not her ideas are better? It's your party!
In an effort to be polite, you swallow your frustration and carry on with the preparations. However, before you know it, this person has completely taken over your party. She begins to give the instructions and she also begins to change the order of events that you so carefully planned out.
Before you know it the party is over and all the guests are gone. You just sit there and reflect on the whole incident. This was your party, but really it wasn't. This other person had completely taken over and it became her party. She didn't really ruin your party, she just changed your plans to meet with her ideal. In reality, her ideas were very good, even better than yours, but that is beside the point. Did she not know how hard you worked? How dare she?
You keep mulling these things over and over reminding yourself of how hard you worked how perfect it was all going to be and how wrong she was to take it away from you. The more you think about it, the angrier you become. The angrier you become the more you resolve to distance yourself from this person and a friendship is lost.
Does this sound familiar? We've all experienced something like this whether it be a party or something else. We all know what it's like to be excited about plans that you've made and then to have something happen that completely changes them. We've all felt that knot that finds it's way into our stomachs every time something doesn't go the way we want it to.
We've all felt that anger and indignation rise within us whenever we don't get what we want. Maybe you were right in the middle of something that you felt was important and your mother called for you to do the dishes or to take care of the baby. Maybe you had your heart set on going somewhere with a group of friends and your dad said you couldn't go. Maybe we know what we want God to do for us and He says, "No, I have a better way."
We don't like it. We want things done the way we want them, how we want them, and when we want them. But what if someone says no? What if God says no? What do we do? Our willful nature's first instinct is to get angry, throw a fit, and then distance ourselves from every figure of authority that says "No".
There is a book that was written in 1850 by Harvey Newcomb entitled How To Be a Lady. In it he addresses the will and the education of it to be that which befits a young lady of godly character. Here is a excerpt:
"The way to educate the will is to accustom it to submit to the dictates of conscience. The will, in our fallen and depraved state, is turbulent and unsubmissive. It is not disposed to submit to the law of God, nor to those whom God has set over us. Yet there is nothing of more importance to our happiness and usefulness than the early subjection of the the will. If you determine that you will always have your own will, you will certainly be unhappy; for it is impossible that you should always have your own way. But if you early accustom yourself to give up your own will; to submit to the will of God, as made known to you in his word and Providence, -to submit to your parents, as those whom God has set over you, and to your own conscience, as the faithful monitor which God has placed in your own bosom, -them you will be as happy as you can be in this imperfect state. This you cannot accomplish all at once. It must be the result of experience, trial, and discipline, with the grace of God in your heart. But if you begin to cultivate the habit of submission, in early life, it will save you many a severe struggle and much unhappiness. You have doubtless learned, before this time, that you always get into difficulty at home, when you set out to have your own will. And perhaps you have sometimes, in your impatience at contradiction secretly wished that you were of age. beyond the control of your parents, that you might do as you pleased. But I assure you, both from my own experience and from what I have seen of the world, that you will not find it any easier to have your own will, after you come to act for yourself. You will not succeed in any thing you undertake to do for others, unless you give up your own will; neither will you succeed in making society agreeable to yourself. Suppose you go to a shoemaker, to get a pair of shoes made, and as soon as you begin to tell him how you wish them done, he answers, "I understand my business; if you want a pair of shoes, I'll make them for you, but nobody can teach me how to do my work?" You would say, "He is a surly creature; I'll have nothing to do with him." Or, suppose you go into company, and you find a young lady who will consent to nothing except what she herself proposes; you say, "She is a selfish creature; let her enjoy herself alone." But all this comes from mere willfulness. You will never be comfortable, mush less happy, till you are willing to yield to others, when no principle is concerned, but only the mere gratification of your own will. And when one is employed by another, it is perfectly reasonable that he should be directed by his employer, even if what he is directed to do may appear to him unwise. The only way that you can succeed, and be happy, in anything you may undertake to do for others, is, to submit your will to theirs, and do cheerfully, and without objection, what they require - provided, only, that they do not require you to do wrong. If you will look back, you will find that this willfulness has been the cause of all the trouble you have got into with your parents, and of nearly all the altercations you have had with you brothers, sisters, and companions. And, if you retain this disposition, it will make you miserable, whatever station in society you may occupy."
In essence, if we want to truly be happy, we must learn to put what we want on the back burner and learn to serve others. Now this doesn't mean that we have to turn ourselves into virtual doormats, but it does mean that we must put others before ourselves. This includes parents, siblings, friends, acquaintances, fellow church members, yes, even God.
God tells us His will for our lives in His word. He even says that we are not to plan our future because He already knows what's going to happen and His way is better than anything we could plan for (Proverbs 27.1 and Jeremiah 29.11).
If we can learn to be submissive toward God and His plan, it will be so much easier for us to live submissively toward our families and friends.
